Take five. I was making decent progress on the fourth attempt at writing up today’s post, but then the girlfriend returned my call saying she wouldn’t be able to make it back for the dinner I had planned. Yeah, I know, you’re not reading this blog to hear about the sh*t going on my personal life so I’ll try and broaden the scope.
The first several starts were about my beliefs regarding life, the universe, and everything and how they derive from the ideas of God and free will. None of those pushes made it further than an opening paragraph. The previous college try was evolving into a bit on how having a new girlfriend, the first one in about three and a half years, had distracted me from the examination and testing of those beliefs. Then she called up and I found myself distracted from thoughts of how she’s distracted me from thoughts on the universe.
In fairness, she bears some responsibility for awakening me to how distracted I was and said distraction was my own not quite conscious choice. See, a few days back she convinced me to buy and start reading Fear and Trembling by Søren Kierkegaard. As I started reading it, I remembered that these thoughts were the ones I had wanted to be having, thoughts on faith, God, and the struggles of the soul, not wondering when I’d see her next and did I say the right thing on the phone just then.
Given the way in which I see the world, I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive though. I just need to remember to put in the effort to not lose the big thoughts. I consider that all elements of life have a metaphorical meaning, that all the humdrum facets of life can and should be examined as a part of a narrative. In the same way that college students, in between drunken stupors, will pick apart the measly flesh of a Hemingway novel searching for deeper meaning, I choose to pick apart the tiniest details of my own life, searching for meaning.
Basically, I’m saying that I need to take more time to step back and truly see her and me and our relationship. I need to find the meaning in it. Why are we together now? Why her? What I’m also saying is you should expect the occasional post from me doing just that, picking apart my relationship to understand it and its place in the larger story of my life. And lastly I’m saying, try it yourself. Step back and look at your life as a story. Become like a child and ask why about everything in your life. Why do you do A before B in the morning? Do you consider A to be more important? If so, why? Pick the flesh off the bones of your life. You just might learn something.